"I Left Myself Vulnerable"

The unknown scares me like nothing else can.

Fear comes with the territory of life. It gives off the allusion that we first have something to lose; then dangles its livelihood in front of us so we remain still… going nowhere.

This new year marks the end of that barrier for me. While others are may make faulty resolutions, holding on to temporary changes they don’t really have a desire for anyway; I am making a bold proclamation to myself— to be vulnerable enough to live out a dream.

I am making an album.

The mere writing of it sends a flame of elation through me. Floods of “you can’t do this,” or “what do you really have to say?,” are matched with “this is going to be amazing,” and “imagine all the lives this music will affect.” Vulnerability is double edged in that proclaiming something now puts me on the map. More as a target than anything else. All the negative voices now know where I live. Where my heart has been sleeping, and is now fully awake.

This is a project I’ve been waiting 24 years to create. It’s been living inside me for that long, but only recently has it been strong enough to prove itself ready. I am beyond excited, and I know the great things this music will bring to my generation and beyond; but know that it comes with a price.

For so many people; so many of my friends and family, I see them living in the shadows of who they could truly become. The fear has slowly crept in and overtaken the mindset. I have lived in this mindset for years. It’s ugly, and the worst part is many don’t even realize they’re being manipulated into it. They hear faint whispers of amazing possibilities, but pass it off as just wishful thinking. NO… THIS CAN ACTUALLY BE YOUR LIFE. YOUR LIFE CAN ACTUALLY BE AS AMAZING AS YOU DAYDREAM IT TO BE!

Comfortability is killing the potential in all of us.

Comfortbaility and control. And with anything worth something, there comes a forfeiting of that control; and it’s a good thing. Not being in control isn’t the same as being out of control. It’s the idea of starting a puzzle with the faith that all the pieces are in the box. Instead of retreating into something comfortable, let’s begin feeling the raw power of being vulnerable. It is staring into the mirror and recognizing that I am not invincible.
All the scars of my past have lead me to this moment. Everything I have experienced and lived through all synchronizing into one beautiful life project. Another step in the journey.

My life was created to inspire. All of ours are. I have believed in this idea through faith and it has landed me in this moment. Amazing things are to come in this lifetime, and I pray anyone who stumbles across these words know: “Your life is yours;” not the negativity that surrounds it. If you’re scared, then you’re probably doing something amazing. Sometimes we have to just do it scared. The great ones always do.

So here’s to playing with fire, and hoping it ignites the unknown and the dream of possibility in for 2011. Being scared to death, and knowing that being vulnerable is one of the most beautiful emotions we may feel in this lifetime.

-Jason O’Toole
(Source: memoir.jasonotoole.com)